Over the past few years, I gained an incredible amount of expertise in selling my soul. I don't mean killing babies or stealing from old grandmas; I mean knocking on people's doors and offering a little piece of my spirit and personality, here and there, in exchange for money or whatever else they wanted to give me. In fact, I got so damn good at soul-selling that this whole gig, which started off as a side hustle, became my main job, and I got promoted to Head of Sales in Spiritual Commodities. As an seasoned, time-tested entrepreneur, let me share with you my top three business insights:
It's a buyer's market.
It isn't easy to sell your soul. We live in a very competitive spiritual economy where billions and billions of people are selling their souls but very few are interested in buying. Never be picky, because you don't know when the next chance to give away your own eternal happiness is going to come. If you want to win, you need to get qualifications and connections to establish yourself in our brutal modern marketplace. If you can get your products certified by an official US federal quality regulator (a university), that will easily make you stand out in the crowd.
The customer's always right.
If you're trying to find a buyer, the first thing you need to do is to stop being an individual person with your own needs and desires. The seasoned soul-seller is sure to always cultivate his personality and characteristics in a way that's most valuable to the other party. Instead of actually trusting your own opinions, it's easier to just listen to everyone else, since those people are your potential customers. Iterate quickly, fail fast, A/B test, and ruthlessly prioritize feedback from the end users (not you). In doing that, you'll cultivate the perfect self that's most pleasing to people (except yourself).
Always be closing.
Your soul is something that you get for free and is part of your identity, so that means it's basically immaterial, immeasurable, and worthless. However, money is something that adds concrete and practical value to your material existence, so why not max out on it as much as you can? Younger souls usually fetch a higher price than older ones, so it's better to start early and benefit from compound interest. According to the spirit of our times, money does buy happiness, and you're the one selling!
After a long track record of successful sales, I realized that I sold my soul way too many times and didn't leave enough for myself. For that reason, I've personally decided to pivot and explore more opportunities on the buy side, in the hope of one day becoming a spiritual wealth manager myself. Seeking out arbitrage is an essential feature of a good hustle, and right now, the US dollar is very powerful and souls are incredibly cheap. The first thing I'll do is to buy back the shares of my own soul that I'd been faithfully liquidating over and over again these past few years. I sold high, and now I'll buy low, so I call that a win. With my track record, I think that I'll be able to find alpha. And omega too.